I woke up and had to go pee like any other morning and noticed blood in my urine. I called Will (he was on a job) and told him what was happening. He left his job and called my general doctor who told us to go to the ER right away. She also texted my oncologist (I still hadn’t seen him at this point) who called us as we were on our way there.
The ER had me pee in a cup and did another ultrasound to see if anything had changed. When the doctor got the results, he told me it looked like a UTI but my body wasn’t acting like I had one, so they sent me home. My general took one look at the results and immediately ordered antibiotics to treat a UTI.
The next few days were pretty uneventful. We were waiting on results for the paracentisis and waiting for a call back from the specialist. I noticed I was swelling again and was pretty uncomfortable all weekend.
NOTE: when I say “uncomfortable” (and I use this word a lot) I really should be saying “I’m in pain”. William has to keep reminding me that it’s ok to say when I’m in pain.
Through the process of everything I was having a really hard time wrapping my head around this. I didn’t want to think about doing cancer or chemo again. I just wanted to give up. I did not want to fight. I was not in a good head space.
My husband was dealing with this much better than I was! It was a complete role reversal from last time.
I had so many friends message and call, or just show up on my door step. They just loved on me and let me talk. They wrapped their arms around me and let me cry.
Sunday night one of my friends moms sent me a song to listen to. She had some encouraging words for me and it was exactly what I needed to snap out of the numb place I was in.
By Monday morning I felt life again. I was at peace and ready to face whatever this was head on. That doesn’t mean I don’t cry, or randomly go to a dark place. But I know how to return to hope. My husband and everyone else around me tell me that I have too much to live for. I agree 🙂
-Tamika
